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A Quick Guide to Beast Wars (in Rhyme.)
Characters
It's been mentioned to me before,
"Keeping Beast Warriors straight is a chore.
"They keep changing and growing,
I don't know when it's showing,
"And ev'ry time I turn round, there's one more!"
So I've put together a little list
To explain those things you might have missed.
Seasons one through three,
If you didn't see
Somebody come in, then read this.
The Maximals uphold what's right.
We're rooting for them in this fight.
They're pretty much smart,
Mostly nice guys at heart,
Though their heads sometimes aren't screwed on tight.
There's Optimus, good in a pinch.
He's the leader who won’t give an inch.
He's deeper by far
Than the last series' star.
(Having said that, I'll probably get lynched.)
Rhinox leads the Maximals in mass,
And in smarts, he's the head of the class.
He can clear a whole room
With his Chainguns O’ Doom,
And once beat the Predacons with gas.
Cheetor is still a kid, really,
And tends to express himself freely.
Although he can be
A small pain, I agree,
He is NOT as annoying as Wheelie.
About Rattrap, what can we say?
That he hasn't said first, anyway.
Still, he's skilled at disguise
And the art of surprise
And at blowing the bad guys away.
Dinobot has a tend'ncy to grouse
And to fight with a Maximal mouse.
Beat six Preds (Code of Hero)
All alone- he's no zero,
And left not a dry eye in the house.
Tigatron is a peaceable soul
with a wit that's considered quite droll.
But leave nature aright
Or you're in for a fight,
And (as Inferno found out) heads will roll.
Airrazor was graceful and tough.
Of her, we did not see enough.
She'd barely come on,
Then poof! She was gone,
Leaving the fans in a huff.
Silverbolt's the perfect white knight,
Though you couldn't describe him as bright.
Still, he's fast, pure and strong
(Though his speeches are long)
And you've gotta admit, hes got bite.
Blackarachnia's Maximal start
Was suppressed by a Predacon part.
But Bolt's love turned the tide
To the Maximal side,
Though she's still a bad girl at heart.
From his past Depth Charge could not be free.
Rampage was his mission, you see.
But they did get their wish-
Both the crab and the fish-
Their pieces at peace in the sea.
Tigatron and Airrazor returned
But it left all the fans feeling burned.
Two sparks fused in one-
Tigerhawk's, what, their son?
They killed him off before we learned.
The Predacons always are set
To hoard all the power they get.
The dumb ones are few-
They in fact number two.
For the rest of them, bring in the net!
There's Megatron, heir to the name.
Treachery is his favorite game.
Though it keeps the wits sharp,
You'll be playing a harp
If you fail, only yourself to blame.
Scorponok's minimal brain
Usually leaves him in pain.
But he's loyal 'til death,
(In some lava, no less,)
And, point in his favor, he's sane.
Terrorsaur's a second-rate schemer
And an ineffectual dreamer.
He always rebels,
On his cohorts he tells-
You know, he reminds me of Screamer.
If someone is going to get hit,
You can bet Waspinator is it.
He's been cubed, crushed and shredded,
And often beheaded-
Man, is it any wonder he quit?
Tarantulas now is no putz.
Facing off with him really takes guts.
At his laugh your spine buckles,
('S why we call him Chuckles,)
And to put it quite bluntly, he's nuts.
Over his queen Inferno moons,
The most loyal of Megatron's goons.
Though I hate to complain,
(Are none of them sane?)-
All the Preds are as crazy as loons!
Quickstrike, they say's not too bright
But he certainly does like to fight.
He's an interesting guy;
If his head won’t reply,
Talk to the hand- it just might!
Rampage's spark feeds on fear,
And can't be destroyed, so we hear.
He’s evil, he’s moody,
or crazy, or broody-
What's wrong with him isn't quite clear.
With Megatron's new Dinobot
The first's reputation was shot.
But he changed, in the end,
Became almost a friend.
Chalk it up, one more paycheck for Scott.
So now that I've spoken my fill,
All of you worriers can chill.
I've listed them all
From their rise to their fall,
And if this doesn't work, nothing will!
Storyline
Season 1
We open on deep space, where two big starships fly about.
The Pred'cons stole the Golden Maximal Disk, then headed out
For a cache of Energon, to start Great Wars again.
The starships clashed,
And they both crashed,
So let the show begin!
The Maximal ship, the Axalon, was deemed beyond repair,
So too the Predacon vessel, but Megatron didn’t care.
His scanners told that all around was rich in Energon.
In fact, too much;
The fields were such
They must put Beast Modes on!
Enraged by Megatron's mistake, Dinobot soon defected.
Well, actually he challenged Megs, who then had him ejected.
Meeting with the Maximals, he tried to take command
By battle right-
In short, a fight
With Primal, hand to hand!
Primal proved his honor, risking himself for Dinobot,
Who then returned the favor by deflecting Megs' shot.
Primal knew that one more warrior well could win the day,
"I’m asking you
"To join our crew."
Much to Rattrap’s dismay.
Reinforcements came from orbit, on a stasis pod's wild ride
Though all began as Maximals, two joined the other side.
Pred spider Blackarachnia, Airrazor, Tigatron.
Inferno's hot-
More ant than bot,
A pyro Predacon!
Some mysterious discoveries had the water getting hot,
A second Golden Disk revealed the world’s an alien plot!
As aliens and conspiracies came down around our ears,
We heaved a sigh;
The FBI
won’t show for a million years.
The aliens decided their experiment’s a bust.
They’re going back to basics- blowing everything to dust.
The second moon's a death ray, but Megatron keeps his wits
Tarantulas' plan
Will save the land
And blow Optimus to bits!
Season 2
The second season opens- it's confirmed that Primal’s dead.
A shocker for the Maximals, the world turned on its head.
Then suddenly a quantum surge envelops all our boys.
Transmetal change,
Forms new and strange!
Go out and buy more toys!
Across the blasted landscape, two more stasis pods came down,
With two new Predacons, (Megs thought,) 'twas time to go to town.
Silverbolt and Quickstrike, the Fuzors, as they’re known,
The noble Bolt,
Quickstrike’s a dolt-
Who sees where this is goin’?
Now Silverbolt had honor, which was rare among the Preds.
He began to question orders about busting Maximal heads.
While the Maxes fought to save the ship, Rhinox's mind had gone
In a trail of light
On a magic flight
To the Matrix and beyond!
The second moon had disappeared- my gosh, this planet's Earth!
Realizing this, Dinobot stole the Disks out of their berth.
Then joined the other Maximals, to stem the raging tide
Bolt hit the dirt
At their feet- he's hurt
So they dragged the guy inside.
Just as things were looking bleak, ol' Rhinox joined the fray
In time to get blown half to bits, nothing to do but pray.
While Silverbolt, under repair, found himself close at hand
As a new Spark burned.
Primal's returned!
Ain't Hasbro dictates grand?
While Primal's resurrection truly screwed up Megs' scheme,
Bolt defected to the Maximals- I think I sense a theme.
Knocking old Megsy off a cliff-- he fell a long, long way.
Said "I resign!"
Primal: "That’s just fine.
"I like your resume.
Tigatron and Airrazor once more crossed the alien race
A ship called "Metal Hunter" quickly shot them into space.
Megatron then took control, (no aliens came to play,)
And was headed on
To Cybertron
'Til his ship was blown away.
The dark secret of the Axalon, an experiment gone wrong,
Protoform X was near-immortal, fast and mean and strong.
As Bolt and Black Arachnia traded sighs and gazes deep,
It crept, half-seen,
Around the screen,
Giving us all the creeps!
Dinobot felt some uncertainty at which side to be on.
He gave to Megs the Golden Disk while briefly Predacon.
These histories hold the ultimate power- futures aren't set in stone.
For all of time,
He drew the line,
And fought and fell alone.
The explosion that killed Primal moves through time to Cybertron
It's sadly intercepted by a vessel- Predacon.
The Tripredacus Council then sends back for Megatron
One Ravage who,
Though now brand new,
Was once Decepticon!
Ravage and the Maximals, it seemed, had just one goal:
To get to Megatron before things got out of control.
But Ravage had his own ideas of how this fight would stop
And an ally-
In fact, a spy.
Ol' Chuckles is a cop!
Megatron was captured, and it seemed the war was won
But Ravage planned for none to live, now that the game was done.
Still, Megs had an agenda, and an almost fool-proof scheme,
More frightening and
More evil than
Any of us ever dreamed!
They'd landed in Earth’s history by choice, to play a hand,
A last-ditch bid for power at the first Meg'tron's demand.
For buried in the earth somewhere lay the Autobot ship, the Ark.
Megs sought about
To then snuff out
One quite important Spark.
Bolt and Black Arachnia had keys to the famous ship
But Megs won Ravage over and he gave his foes the slip.
While the other Preds got toasted, he was blasting Optimus Prime
Erasing all
That's Maximal
From every inch of time!
Season 3
With timestorms raging all around, no one knew what to do
Except for Black Arachnia, who was once a Maximal, too.
With control of the Ark's computer, she sent Megs flying through the
air
Then stabilized time
By putting Prime
Under heavy repair.
But they weren't out of the woods yet and the future looked quite dark
'Til Primal took a gamble by taking on his namesakes Spark.
With two Sparks in one body, Primal began to grow
To Autobot size.
For this one, guys,
We'll shell out MAJOR dough.
"Preds, pull yourselves together," then ordered Megatron.
And his troops launched two big battles- whoops, there goes the Axalon.
Half the ship was lost, crashing into the wat'ry dark.
With all the rest
It was deemed best
To move in around the Ark.
Another little timestorm brought a Maximal ship to play.
It was Depth Charge, hunting Rampage- he’s the one that got away.
Protoform X destroyed his home, Colony Omicron.
Depth Charge failed
To keep him jailed
And now just wants him gone.
Megs started hunting humans, trying to salvage just a bit
Of the plan he’d been pursuing, but he's just not making it.
So with a Transmetal 2 driver (Just WHERE was that thing from?)
He duplicates,
The one he hates,
A Dinobot of his own!
Cheetor and Depth Charge came to throw a wrench into the plot
Cheets falls into the beam, and when the smoke clears, there he's not.
Depth Charge, with customary tact, on Primal dropped the news
With an armor shard-
Gee, THAT was hard-
And left Primal with the blues.
Of course the kid's not dead, and he finally made it home
Meanwhile some cybercreature all around was seen to roam.
A couple cliches later- Does "Wolfman" mean much to you?
The kid has changed
And looks quite strange-
He's gone Transmetal 2!
Blackarachnia decided that her current state's grown old.
Her toy's so out of date, the boxes started growing mold.
Unfortunately things did not go quite as she had thought-
Her Predacon shell
Ain't doing well
And her mind will soon be shot.
Rhinox then tried to turn her back to the Maximal state
Unfortunately, the Preds attacked, and things weren't going great.
One wrong step and it all exploded, there inside her head.
She's almost gone.
The driver turns on
And she's only MOSTLY dead.
Megatron decided that 'twas time to up the stakes.
He's feeling small next to Primal, so his namesake's Spark he takes.
But Quickstrike and Tarantulas had other plans in mind
A lava dip-
Unscheduled trip-
But Megs came out just fine.
With his cool new Dragon form, Megs was now a royal pain
Unfortunately, two Sparks had just made him twice as insane.
His base, it got blown all to bits, courtesy of Tigerhawk-
The alien race
Were back from space
We learned they're called the Vokk.
Tarantulas decides to make this new arrival his.
He REALLY hates the aliens, we're not sure why that is.
Unfortunately, while trying to bring the aliens to defeat
His secret room
All went kaboom
Nothing left but his feet.
Tigerhawks a Maximal now, and it seems Primal has found
The Covenant of Primus, only two copies around.
It's kind of like a Bible for Transformers, they profess.
One left to see.
Where could it be?
Anybody got a guess?
Tarantulas's last project now suddenly comes to light.
Megs, Dinobot and Rampage then take off without a fight.
While Inferno, Quickstrike and Waspy go to find another base
The wasp resigned
At last, we find
To the damage that he'll face.
The Decepticon ship, the Nemesis, is Megatron's desire.
Primal sends Depth Charge to stop him, pouring oil upon the fire.
For when the manta hits the ship, Rampage is waiting there.
Raw Energon
Sends them both on
To someplace beyond care.
Meanwhile, thanks to Tarantulas, Megs has gotten control
Of the huge ship, while Dinobot's Spark at long last feels whole.
With a REALLY big pulse cannon, he blows Tigerhawk to bits
And later fries
His last two guys
And Waspinator quits!
Primal's finally had enough- while the others move the Ark
He goes to confront Megatron, but the prognosis looks dark.
The two fight all around the bridge, exchanging "Primus" quotes.
Where'd they get time
To learn each line?
Or were they taking notes?
The Ark is not going to fly. It's pretty much burnt out.
But Dinobot feels lousy; there's no honor in this bout.
So he sends the guys a message, there's a shuttle still in there
That they can fly.
It's worth a try.
And Rhinox hits the air.
Things look bleak for Primal, and then Dinobot rebels.
He speaks about his honor, something Megs takes not too well.
Then Rhinox comes through the front window, crushing out his way
With fire and rage,
This sets the stage
For the Great War's later day.
With everything wrapped up, the Maximals are heading back
To Cybertron in the shuttle, Megs strapped to the luggage rack.
As they jump into the future, back on Earth at last we find
Waspy in the past,
Happy at last,
The god of humankind.
And that's it! Hope you enjoyed the show.